OH O – Where Are You? [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]

Dear Dr. Miro,

I don’t think I’ve ever had an orgasm.

My boyfriend noticed after sex I still want more and my clitoris isn’t sensitive so I’m not coming, right? And, he’s very insecure because he feels like he hasn’t done his job in making me come.

He does everything he can but I feel like it’s me… Like I just can’t and I don’t even know what that feeling is supposed to feel like. I’ve asked him for more foreplay and to last longer – he does but I don’t think there is anything he can do.

I’m really attracted to him and wonder what’s wrong with me. What are your suggestions into how to have an orgasm and is there anything I can do to have one?

Searching 4 My Orgasm

Dear S4MO,

Aw, the elusive orgasm – you would KNOW if you had one – or perhaps not. There more than likely is nothing wrong with you.

I suggest figuring out what makes you tingle *the most* by investing in a few sex toys. Start out small with something you can vibrate on your clitoris and work up to “insertables”. A classic simple vibe can be a Bullet or you can find something in the shape of anything you want from a rubber ducky bath toy to lipstick.

Do not let him take all the credit for “making you come”. This is something for you to investigate on your own. Sure it would be delightful if your partner knew exactly where to touch you in ways you could never imagine making you shudder to your very core but he is going to need some help. Practice a bit on your own so there is not as much fumbling while getting all squelchy with your man.

Keep in mind there are different positions for different bodies. You may not be able to have a Big O in Doggy Style but jump on like a Cowgirl and you could be good to go. In fact, I want you to try that Cowgirl position in which you are on top and facing him as he lies down. This way you can control the speed, depth and everything else during penetration. Your clitoris will get a lot of stimulation this way, too! If the right parts of your anatomy are not getting the rubbing they need, it doesn’t matter how long your fellow lasts. Nothing is going to happen besides frustration and eventual soreness.

Another piece of this is to get you both to stop blaming your selves. You will have an orgasm someday. Hopefully, it will be with him but if it is not, that is OK, too. It is not his fault. This does NOT reflect on your desire for him. Change up your sexual repertoire with the Cowgirl position and appreciating the journey instead of trying to catch this mysterious, thought-to-be-out-of-reach Orgasm.

Lust & Happiness,
Dr. Miro