Philosophical Monday: I Cut Off All My Hair
So I cut off all my hair — yes, again. I had been thinking about doing so for a while now. The last time I cut my hair (got rid of my locs and rocked a small fro) I got pregnant, I got an agent, I got a book deal. In 2011, I’m hoping to get pregnant and to sell the two books that I wrote and rewrote over the course of 2010, sooo…
Back in October, it occurred to me that I should cut my hair off again. I mean look what happened the last time. But there were also other things that happened: I quit my job, we decided to sell our house — these were great decisions in the long run, but both actions kept me up at night. The fall out that comes with cutting off your hair isn’t all unicorns and rainbows.
“You’re very brave,” a friend of my husband’s said at a recent party that we both attended. “Well, it will grow back,” my MIL said with a tsk in her voice after a stunned, “What did you do?”
My husband cut it off for me before going to bed on Wednesday and the next morning, my daughter looked at me with a most quizzical look, then laughed when I ran her little hand over my fuzzy pate.
“Your hair is your crowning glory.” A lot of black women say this. I got the idea to cut it off in October, then waffled back and forth, until just like when I cut off my locs, I found myself with an itchy head of hair, two weeks from my last wash. I needed to either deal with it or cut it off. And I didn’t feel like dealing with it, so I asked my husband to get out his electric razor. And less than five minutes later, I was staring at a new me.
Or is it the old me? “Do you look like you did back in college?” My BFF asked me when I told her I had cut off my hair.
And yes, the first thought that struck me when I looked in the mirror was that I looked so much younger … strangely the way I looked before my mother died, but also exactly how she looked when she had died, since I had convinced her to cut her hair like mine the summer before she was unexpectedly taken away. A couple of days later I invested in both a pair of non-designer acid-washed skinny jeans and a ton of huge cheap earrings. I wore the jeans and a pair of the cheap earrings to the opera on Sunday.
“You’re beautiful, just beautiful,” a white woman said to me as she was returning to her seat after the second act.
I had forgotten this part. The strangers that come up to you like angels and give you emphatic compliments whenever you cut your hair really short and push against the general beauty standard. This was my third such compliment in four days, and I remembered how these compliments got thrown at me all the time in college, how I never thought I was beautiful until I cut off all my hair and went to college.
I was worried at the beginning of the week: about my agent liking my rogue sci-fi novel, about the physical exam, which will kick off our next cycle of IVF this morning, about settling into our third home in as many years. I was becoming overwhelmed by these fears, and in many ways it felt like I cut them off with my hair, opening up a space for something new to grow in their place.
Anyway, this is all to say that the new IVF journey begins today. I’ll keep you updated as I go along, just like last time. So fingers crossed, hair cut off, all I need now is for you to wish me luck.
Yay for all the good things that will come your way this year! You looked fabulous on Saturday night. I hope everything goes well this morning!
Thanks DebraB! It went really well. All systems a go and all that. Big update coming with the new year…
Yay for all the good things that will come your way this year! You looked fabulous on Saturday night. I hope everything goes well this morning!
I think you look great!!!!
You just look so much more relaxed, peaceful almost, except that you are a Mom with a young daughter and full peace seems out of the question. But yeah you look great.
I once did the same thing, shaved all my hair down to little more than stubble and the reaction from people was amazing! It was strange because while I felt liberated from my hair I also felt like the absence of it was just as noticeable, thereby still defining my beauty as a woman. I would do it again.
Thanks, Kelly! And thanks for your nice VM yesterday. Your hair is looking fabulous these days, too. Maybe there’s something in the LA water.
LOVE IT! You can rock your dome, lady. Looks fab! = D
Thanks, keldoo!
Wishing you all the luck in the world with the IVF cycle.
The new style looks fantastic! Not everyone could pull it off, but you wear it well.
Thanks so much. It’s weird b/c I totally get what you’re saying about pulling it off. When I look at pics of me with really long locs, I see that I had gorgeous hair, but there’s something a little … off. And I think it’s that I wasn’t pulling off long hair. I’ll definitely grow my hair out again, but I probably won’t get locks again until I go grey.
You do look just like you did in college. Love it!
I can totally relate to what you were saying about releasing your fears in the midst of the cut. I have been growing my locs for five years and had also been comtemplating cutting them for a while. I ended up doing it last night even though I could tell my husband did not want me to cut them and almost every black women I talked to about it tried to steer me away from the scissors. When it was done my hair looked awful. Too much pulling of the roots have beating my scalp down pretty bad. But you know what, it was okay. I grabbed some little beanie caps and went about my business this morning. Back in the day I would have been a shell of a human. My husband was shocked that I did not lose it! But you know what went away with my hair last night? The need and propensity to be unhappy. I am leaving that in 2010 along with my locs.
Well, like I told you last night. It took about 3 days for my head to look right, but the psychological bennies started immediately. Just take care of your scalp and you hair will bounce back. Also, you’re the most beautiful woman I know, so that’s probably helping.
But I love what you’ve been saying about happiness lately. In many ways it’s a decision, isn’t it?
can’t believe I missed this until today – you look fantastic :)
good luck! and you definitely are rocking the short cut SO well! gorge! #insertemphaticcomplimenthere
Good luck heartily wished on all fronts. And I think the hair (or rather lack of) looks terrific!
love it! i’m planning to go for a big hair change in the near future. just trying to decide what it will be. i feel like embracing physical change helps up prepare for mental and emotional changes as well.
i am a black woman and i just cut off all my hair too and i think i love but its only been less then 24hrs so we will see but good luck to u and your journey