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Redheaded Stepchild: Bridezilla with a Capital “B”


A blogumn by Redheaded Stepchild

I have these two friends.

One – let’s call him Future Spouse A –is marrying his man this fall.  He’s a good friend who I perform with frequently, and he has got Organizational Skillz.  He and his fiancé were engaged within six months or so of their first date (my friends know what they want, y’all), and shortly thereafter Future Spouse A began planning the entire event. I’m talking taking out his wedding binder at dinner and showing us swatches of his colors.  I’m talking a brunch this weekend for the wedding party.  I’m talking booking space for his pre-wedding cabaret and sending out an email asking folks to think about what they’d like to perform.  Nine months out.  The wedding is in September.

Okay?  He is Not Messing Around.  This day will be so planned, I suspect there will be detailed spreadsheets posted on every door.

Future Spouse B is one of my nearest, dearest, and crunchiest.  She spent her youth living at a commune, that’s the super-level of hippiedom I’m describing.  She and her woman are getting married this summer, and while she is organized, too – she has booked a space and all – she is also very uncertain about yer typical wedding traditions.  When I asked her about her wedding shower (which I’ve learned is one of my jobs as Maid of Honor), her primary desire was to eliminate the gift-giving aspect of the whole thing. (Never mind that, hello, isn’t that one of points of getting married?)  She doesn’t want anything involving balloons or boxes of lingerie or penis veils.  No.  She just wants to drink tea and eat cucumber sandwiches.  And oh jeez she has to buy a dress at some point.

Future Spouse B is about who I was six months ago.  Future Spouse A is about who I am after writing 6 posts on wedding planning.

So what I’m saying is: my girlfriend is out to get you, Fierce and Nerdy.  She wants to know who replaced her laid-back ladylove with Wedding A Go-Go.