Redheaded Stepchild: Same Gendered Ceremony Cookbook
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A blogumn by Redheaded Stepchild
Recipe for a for a Queer Wedding (or Quedding, if you prefer):
1 part fabulous location
2 parts uninhibited liquor consumption
1 part food with which to mitigate effects of uninhibited liquor consumption
3 parts friends and family with which to consume said liquor
5 parts smart, funny, gorgeous girlfriend
2 parts cake!
Not on the Menu:
White dresses
Bridal parties
Any “giving away” by a parental unit
Church
A DJ who plays The Village People (though BPD would like you all to know that we will be including the Electric Slide)
Random bouquets of flowers
We’ve had many conversations about what kind of event we’d like to have: something in between the traditional wedding ceremony (complete with veils, fathers and anonymous halls), and toasting each other with beer at the local bar.
Cause here’s the thing: I don’t like going to weddings. I’m of the opinion that individual ceremonies are important to a very small group of people who know the folks getting hitched and everyone else is in it for the booze.
I’m not terribly interested in hearing your favorite priest’s musings on gender, you know? Or participating in breathing exercises with your college acting teacher/officiant. I don’t want to sit in an uncomfortable chair for 40 minutes and then eat crappy hors d’oeuvres while making stilted conversation with strangers, counting down until I can run home and watch the latest episode of Heroes.
I mean, really. What’s in it for ME, people?!
Weddings are expensive, not just for the folks marrying, but for the folks who travel across state lines, buy presents and put on new shoes and fancy dresses. I’ve forked out thousands of dollars going to weddings since I graduated from college and dammit, all these celebrations of love are keeping my butt broke.
That’s not the experience that I want to give the folks attending my own Day O’ Love. Some boredom is probably unavoidable, but the more group fun we can inject into the event, the better it will be for everyone. Our wedding will be about us, yes, but it will also be about the beautiful people we share our lives with — the family who support us even when it’s ideologically difficult, the friends who make us laugh and think. We don’t exist in a void. Our declaration of love will be made in front of a community of people who we adore, and who adore us. They make our lives better; they’ll make our ceremony better, too.
So. Low on ceremony, high on party. We envision a small exchange of vows/love pronouncements and then a night of food, drink, and celebration with friends.
Because if I have to hear YMCA at one more wedding, I’m going to kill someone.
My favorite discovery of gay weddings is Wedding Hookups. Recently a gay wedding up at the Russian River. And there may have been some drinking involved. All of which led to me & a boy with the most perfect skin I have ever seen on a human being having a late night hookup. There may have been a hot tub involved…
Anyway, on the way back from said wedding I called my friend M____ & excitedly described the whole thing. I was like a kid in a candy store, but she was rather blasé about the whole thing. “Yeah, you had a wedding hookup.”
“You KNEW about these?” i gasped.
“Everyone’s had them. I’ve had three just this year.”
Honest to god, i NEVER knew. I always suspected that something was going on after hours, behind the curtains at weddings, but i was always the gay boy sitting stiffly in the corner, resisting the siren call…of the Village People to come dance.
My favorite discovery of gay weddings is Wedding Hookups. Recently a gay wedding up at the Russian River. And there may have been some drinking involved. All of which led to me & a boy with the most perfect skin I have ever seen on a human being having a late night hookup. There may have been a hot tub involved…
Anyway, on the way back from said wedding I called my friend M____ & excitedly described the whole thing. I was like a kid in a candy store, but she was rather blasé about the whole thing. “Yeah, you had a wedding hookup.”
“You KNEW about these?” i gasped.
“Everyone’s had them. I’ve had three just this year.”
Honest to god, i NEVER knew. I always suspected that something was going on after hours, behind the curtains at weddings, but i was always the gay boy sitting stiffly in the corner, resisting the siren call…of the Village People to come dance.
That’s hilarious, Howard. I’m glad that the wedding hook-up is now equal opportunity in Cali.
RS, I wasn’t a huge wedding fan either before I planned my own. Now I enjoy myself at any wedding that’s not my own. And I’ve become a crier. I don’t want to say “You’ll see” like an old married lady, but um, you will actually see.
But I agree with you about YMCA. It should be against the law to ever play that awful, awful song again. So upsetting.
And I agree about the expense of weddings. Back in my broke artist days, I had to skip a few weddings of good friends due to this. It still makes me sad.
wedding hookups! genius!
howard, i’m jealous. if only i’d gotten some hot lovin’ at all those weddings in my twenties.
wedding hookups! genius!
howard, i’m jealous. if only i’d gotten some hot lovin’ at all those weddings in my twenties.