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Redheaded Stepchild: The Bubble Bursts


A blogumn by Redheaded Stepchild

I recently read an interview with hot lesbian host Rachel Maddow in which she said that she sometimes forgets that she and her partner were gay.

I don’t.

Maybe it’s easier to forget when you commute between the West Village and western Mass., two areas notoriously friendly to Teh Gayz.  Or maybe Maddow was just talking about how easy it is to feel normal and to forget that other folks don’t quite see you the same way.  That, in fact, some folks may find you repellant or unnatural or simply feel unease when you’re around, due to something as incidental as your sexuality.

I can understand that.  Both BPD and I try to focus on the positive in our lives.  We have a happy, loving relationship that we’re both proud of, surrounded by friends we adore, and family members who are trying really hard to support us even when it’s ideologically difficult for them.  Why focus on the homophobes when we can focus on The Fabulous?  Why make ourselves miserable?

Why focus on anti-gay laws when the election two weeks ago gave us the gift of Obamas in the White House?  Obama’s election was like a national holiday in our house.  We were so high in our Obama haze that both of us kept crying for days after he was elected.  We were overwhelmed.  We were thrilled.  “Hey,” we whispered to each other, “maybe our biracial lovechild can be president some day, too!”

I didn’t want those anti-gay laws to trample on my joy, not when there was so much to be hopeful about.

Then my bubble burst.

It’s a strange thing to be ambivalently participating in an institution while folks around the country are fighting to keep you from it.  I’m not hesitant about BPD: I’m deeply in love with her and want to be with her for the rest of my life.

But I was ambivalent about the concept of marriage, and I was particularly put off by the thought of a wedding ceremony.  Marriage, to me, meant two kids and a house in the suburbs: not a bad life for folks who like stability, but death for someone who thrives on change.  Marriage meant stagnation, lack of movement, lack of growth.

Weddings, as I’ve said before, were obligatory, joyless chores.

So when gay marriage became a focal point of the fight for gay rights, I stayed out of the fray.  Not that I wasn’t supportive of the LGBT being granted rights; I just didn’t have a personal investment in this particular

My perspective has, naturally, shifted.  I worry about what could happen if one of us got sick in another state, like poor Janice Langbehn and her partner. (LGBT people, please fill out your Health Care Proxy forms).

The fight for gay marriage now has a very real impact on my life.

I’ll still focus on the positive.  But I can’t forget just how endangered my legal rights with my partner are. Even for awesome Rachel Maddow.