Dear Dr. Miro, What are the benefits of couples counseling before marriage? My girlfriend thinks we need it. I thought she would be happy that I proposed after three years. I mean, seriously, if she thinks we are having problems isn’t that a huge red flag? I do love her. Otherwise I wouldn’t have asked her to marry me. If we can’t handle our own problems shouldn’t I just call this whole thing off? Sincerely, Getting Cold Feet Dear GCF, There are actually quite a few benefits to couples therapy regardless of whether or not you plan on spending the rest of your life with someone. If your girlfriend thinks you need it, take it to mean there are a few wrinkles she wants to smooth out in order to start off the remainder of your years together. One of the major plusses in taking this healthy step with your fiancé is that you enter a room in which a professional will be holding safe space for you both. Often times, it can be initially scary because the partner who did not suggest this thinks that he willl be blind sided by many issues that he  will then have to defend himself against. Hence the need for a qualified therapist who will put you at ease and let you understand this is not about having a referee to say who is right versus who is wrong. Rather, it is about strengthening the relationship. She may just want to know you care enough about your relationship to work on things together. Sometimes, simply agreeing to go is enough! It will prove to her you are in this for the long haul – no matter what life may throw in your way. Reacting by saying, “We...

This is my last post until after the baby is born.  I can’t believe that in a few weeks (or maybe even days!) that I’ll have a little girl to look after for the rest of my life.  I honestly thought I was done being newly nested and that it was time to think of a new title for my blog. In the past every time I thought I was done being newly nested I was wrong.  First, I got married, but when we hit our one year anniversary I thought the idea of being new at it was over. Then we bought a house, which was a whole new nesting phase. Soon I found out that unless you are rich, nesting never stops in a house because there is always a new project to do. Now, settled in my home for almost two years I thought, what else is there to be newly nesting about? I didn’t even consider having a baby as a whole new form of nesting, but it is. I always just thought a baby would fit into my life, not that I would fit into a baby’s life. While to some degree we plan on holding onto who we are, fitting a baby into your own life just seems silly when you start realizing how much everything is about to change. There are too many choices and things that you are supposed to consider to care for the baby.  If you are like me, and you are excited to have a child in your life, than there is even more philosophical issues with having a child that will start driving you crazy.  In the last few months I have not only been obsessed with nesting (preparing my home for the...