Since I believe this is still such an important topic and the ONE thing I would tell people about to reproduce, it’s my favorite piece from the last year. Also because it has ‘prairie dogging’ it’ somewhere in there. How can you not like a story with THAT phrase in it? Frankie Says…. Take care of someone else’s children before you have your own. As a single female, frequent babysitter and auntie since the day I was born (complicated family make-up), I have the distinct authority to recommend that everyone, and I mean everyone should go through an overnight care-taking situation with friends or family prior to popping out their own. This past weekend my sister and her husband took off to Miami for a wedding. They have never left their two children – Jay, age 4 and Lily, age 2 – alone before this getaway, so naturally my sister was freaking out. She still hadn’t weaned Lily and James still won’t sleep alone. I was pretty clear on what I was in for, but thank god I had my niece (from a different sister), Sydney, there to help out. Wednesday night until Sunday morning I played mommy with Sydney, driving around in my Mom-Mobile, with my Mom music playing and my Mom outfits on. Now for me – someone who’s been a live-in nanny, traveled abroad as a nanny, babysits at least a couple times a week – this wasn’t a super stressful weekend. However, if I had put ten of my single, 20-something friends up to the task of Lily and Jay, I think 7 of them would end the weekend with a vasectomy/hysterectomy. On Thursday, Day Number 1, both the kiddies were throwing tantrums because their parents were nowhere to be...

When you hit your mid-30s and friends start to have babies, you have a choice: find new friends or find ways to cope with the fact that your friends’ lives will be incalculably altered by the new life that they thrust into the world. Find ways to remain relevant in their world, a world consumed with burp cloths, sleep cycles, baby monitors and diapers. Find ways to, you know, be cool with infants and friends who have become zombie-like. With this in mind, I proudly present: The Single Nerd’s [brief] Guide to Friends with Babies! 1. All babies are cute Let’s face it, some babies aren’t cute.  Actually, many new babies aren’t cute.  They’re slimy, wrinkly, bug eyed little creatures.  They mewl and piss and puke on everything.  Sure, they have soft skin, but you leave them in the sun for ten minutes. . .see how long that lasts. The key here is that no matter how potentially uncute your friend’s child is, don’t cop to it.  All babies are cute.  If you’re constitutionally unable to lie and find yourself tempted to let your friends know exactly how uncute their baby is, try one of these handy phrases: “Wow, look at that baby!” “S/he looks so little!” “Who has little hands?  You do!  Baby does!” Of course, if the baby is cute, feel free to tell your friends. 2. Your friends will look like crap. Don’t tell them that. They know. The first time you see your friends after they have a baby, they’ll probably look strung out.  They’ll stumble around and talk in fits and starts.  They know they’re a mess.  Don’t do what I did recently and blurt out “Holy crap, you look like shit.”  That won’t go over well.  It’s probably best not to acknowledge any...