Dear Dr. Miro, My girlfriend has a few close guy friends she hangs with and I think that’s wrong. I don’t go out with any females alone – their boyfriends would get angry they’re hanging with another man. I’m pretty sure these dudes are waiting for my girl to be weak & screw her when I’m not around. I can’t get this idea out of my head & when I ask her about it she gets really pissed off and says, “We’re just friends”. This is making me crazy! I’m not OK with this. How do I make her stop? What do I do? Sincerely, Crazed with Jealousy Dear CwJ, The question of whether straight males and females can ever truly be “just friends” with no sexual tension or thoughts of wanting more has been asked through out the ages. Perhaps your instinct is correct. There are always exceptions to this but on average, the answer is NO: Guys & Girls cannot be purely platonic on both sides. Even if she believes they are “just friends” these fellows probably do see your GF as a potential mate or conquest. However, the actual problem here is not whether or not these types of relationships are possible. You ask what to do about this situation as well as “How do I make her stop?” I have a feeling your S.O. was friends with these fellows before knowing you and will be way after you are out of her life. This jealousy is going to push her away from you; possibly into the arms of whom you most fear – those attentive male friends who have been listening to all those issues she has been having with you. You see, by not trusting a person’s ability to...
Girls & Guys – “Just Friends”? [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Hanging With The Exes? [Ask Dr. Miro: What You didn’t Learn In Health Class]...
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, Is it normal for a guy to hang out with his exes? This makes me really uncomfortable. I don’t want my boyfriend around a bunch of girls he used to have sex with but he gets mad at me and tells me, “We’re besties – nothing more.” I think this is weird and so do all my friends but he says I’m being paranoid and selfish. Sincerely, Want My Man To Myself Dear WMMTM, Normal is a difficult word. What is normal for one person is completely bizarre for another. I have a few questions to ask him. What is he getting from being around his Exes? What did they have when they were sleeping together that they don’t have now? See if you can join him while he is having a hang session so you can better understand their connection and dissolve it as a potential threat. If he does not want you there, then there is a problem. Find out what it is he gets from these ex lovers that he feels is lacking in his life. It is possible to be friends with your past flames. It is even possible to be best friends with an Ex but that is an EXTREMELY rare circumstance in which both parties realize they are in no way attracted to each other physically, but yet have a definite and intense connection. One key here is to understand the difference between flirty sexual interactions and strictly platonic. The other key here is my favorite word: COMMUNICATION. You are allowed to feel those feelings. If you are uncomfortable, sit with that discomfort for a bit and locate exactly what is triggering it. Let your boyfriend know how this is percolating. Unless you have agreed...
BFFs for…Life? [Frankie Says…]
posted by Frankie V
Frankie Asks… Does growing up have to mean growing apart? Every time I’ve seen my best friend, J., over the past few years there’s been just a little more tension than the last time. Is it all in my head? Does she feel it too? Am I the only one that feels that ever since we moved out of the same apartment, five years ago, our relationship has diminished to – dare I say it – good acquaintances? I find myself not telling her about aspects of my new ‘Hollywood’ life – so different from the party years spent in San Diego with her – or selectively mentioning this guy or that, when before I’d analyze every detail of every new date with her. Is it just because we’re growing into different people as we live these separate lives, or is it because we’re not a part of each other’s lives anymore that I feel this way? These questions have been haunting me for a while now, and more in the last few months since her marriage to her longtime boyfriend, C. Funny story about that, actually. The boyfriend. So back in 2006, when they first met, she’d been seeing another guy. This other guy was a friend of mine before C. and she had started dating and I was sort of his champion, even though he was certainly of questionable character and the two of them had quite the volatile relationship. I guess I thought mad love was better than a secure relationship. (I was 22, if I can use that as an excuse…) So when C. came along and started to whisk her away from mad love man, I told her that I thought she was doing the wrong thing, choosing him....
Facial Hair Makes Me Bristle [Piping Hot Nerd]
posted by Patrick Connolly
I was recently standing on the subway platform waiting for the 2, 3 to go to work. Normally I walk, but I deemed it too cold. My walking, or not walking, has nothing to do with what I want to write about, but I just want it to be known that I pride myself on walking to work, thus saving money and getting some exercise. I even think it helps me lose weight. It really does not. But I love to put on my headphones and look at all the people swimming downstream on 6th Avenue as I hide unseen behind these magic headphones and check them all out. Perhaps it is hiding that I want to write about so this fits. Back to the subway platform. There are always billboards to read on the subway platform. I hate most of them, but they always get me thinking. A new film starring Katherine Heigl got me thinking “Why?” A poster for the Metropolitan Museum gets me thinking that I don’t go enough and this gets me thinking that life is slipping through my hands. Thank God the Met billboard does not depress me sufficiently to turn around and jump in front of the oncoming express train. After I think about “why oncoming and not incoming?” I am calm. But talk about a selfish act; suicide stops the subway running for hours. Recently I saw this billboard that was an ad for the Braun Cruzer, which is some intricate electric shaver that would let you write your name in your neck in hair I think. It had the five boroughs of New York City represented by five different ways to have facial hair. Manhattan was an effete “we stole everything from alls y’all” Wall Street handlebar mustache; Brooklyn was the goatee, of course. Staten...
Mas Macho! Ask Dr. Miro [What You Didn’t Learn in Health Class]
posted by Miro Gudelsky
Dear Dr. Miro, I love my sensitive boyfriend. I really do. He is amazing in so many ways but sometimes I wish he could be more manly. How do I get him to be more macho? Sincerely, Woman Wants Man Dear WWM, This is an all too common issue for more and more women these days. Lines are blurring on what is and is not “manly” which can be both positive and negative. On one hand you want somebody who is sensitive to your needs, a great listener and an all around good (though often somewhat weenie) guy. On that other hand, it can feel really good to be caught up with a strong jerk of a stereotype. Here is the key: you can not and will not change him. He is what he is. If you truly love Hombre Sensitivo, as you say you do, learn to accept him for who HE is – not who you hope he will be someday. Whether he is a big lovable wimp or your adored lug of a He-Man, you are not going to change him. Decide what you can and cannot live with and go from there. Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro If you liked this post, please do us the further boon of Liking the Fierce and Nerdy page on FaceBook. Also, we’re giving great stream on Twitter, so do give us follow. featured image credit:...