Liz Lemon vs. Carrie Bradshaw — Frankie Says..[XXOO]

Frankie Says… Tina Fey is my idol. When I first started writing, I thought of myself as a very young Carrie Bradshaw – all gumption and glory, no consequences or catastrophes. But through the last two-and-a-half years there have been a few consequences and some minor, but significant catastrophes in my freelance writing world. I am a more cautious and thoughtful writer now. Moreover, I use a pseudonym so that I can, when necessary, write like a complete jerk who doesn’t have to deal with consequences or catastrophes. Nowadays, I see myself more as a Liz Lemon (nee Tina Fey) than a Carrie Bradshaw. Two years in and I don’t own any Jimmy Choos, I don’t have an awesome East Village apartment, and I definitely don’t have a stream of good-looking men I get to sleep with and then throw away. Instead, I have a modest apartment in Los Angeles, a tiny closet full of Nine West shoes, and I wear sweatpants and t-shirts about two-thirds of the week. Like Liz/Tina, I have nasty habits that include eating breakfast standing up in my miniscule kitchen wearing only underwear, cutting my toenails in bed where I find bits of nail sticking into my side about a week later, and wearing inappropriate outfits to either get me in to something or out of something (think Liz in full Princess Lea gear to get out of jury duty). The guys I end up dating for very short periods of time are a) crazy (Matt Damon aka “Carol Burnett”), b) losers (Dean Winters aka “Dennis Duffy”), or c) possess weird quirks that even quirky me can’t get over (Jon Hamm aka “Drew Baird”). But don’t be fooled by me ripping Liz/Tina apart and putting myself on that same...

The Way of the Modern Woman (or Man) [Frankie Says…] Oct20

The Way of the Modern Woman (or Man) [Frankie Says…]

Frankie says… Always have at least two to three jobs. The difference between Carrie Bradshaw and myself is pretty slim: she has an insanely expensive shoe collection of Manolo Blahniks and Jimmy Choo’s and the cutest rent-controlled apartment in all of Manhattan. Otherwise, we’re both with cigarette in hand and typing on our Macs about relatively unimportant topics like cute guy in the coffee shop we frequent, or last night’s horrible date, or a disagreement with a friend. Where I take issue with Ms. Bradshaw is in the very difference of our so-called economic status. (Yes, yes I know she is a fictional character, but for arguments’ sake and because she was a very real part of my life for 10 years, let’s just pretend we’re in the same universe, shall we?) I live in a crappy single on the Westside and drive a crappy little car. I can afford new shoes from the DSW clearance section about twice a year. And I have to drink well-vodka sodas, not pretty pink $15 cosmos. However, my situation has recently changed. In addition to my income as a freelancer (low, I assure you, and unpredictable), and my side job as a nanny (8 hours a week at $15/hr), I’ve gotten two more jobs! The first is about 5-10 hours a week reorganizing an artist friend’s studio at $15/hr and the second is another part-time nanny gig for 15 hours a week at $17/hr. I’m up about $1400 each month. This is hugely significant in my life. This means I can actually entertain the idea of moving into a bigger place and I can finally pay off my credit cards. I was even naughty and saw a pair of pants I liked at the Steven Alan Outpost...