Cheating Man Child! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]

Dear Dr. Miro, Why does a man have to cheat to make himself feel secure? I keep dating these guys who HAVE to go screw other women in order for them to feel OK. The way they have worded it, after I catch them, makes sense but then I step away and I realize it’s a load of bulls**t. Sincerely, Hurt Too Many Times Dear HTMT, First off, no one has to cheat to make his or herself secure. Feeling good about yourself is something that comes from with in. No amount of extra curricular sexcapades will increase a person’s self worth. Sounds like you have been with a few too many insecure jerks. Not that I like to put a negative label on anything but, smooth talking boys and girls who claim they need to lie and cheat are just not the type of people you need to be around. What is it that keeps you going into relationships with fellows who not only feel crappy about themselves but insist on being unfaithful? I am definitely NOT blaming you for these dalliances outside of your couplings but I think it is important to notice patterns. If the same thing keeps happening and the only constant is you, then that is who needs to make adjustments. Most men and women have old stories from childhood. These tend to play out in their adult relations. This could be connected to how you interacted with males as a kid or even how you saw men and women relating to each other around you. There are so many ways to look at this but mainly, I want you to take a step back and think about what it is you are trying to get from these “men”. Are they really going to be able to provide what you desire? Maybe you feel insecure, as well, and part of you does not yet feel worthy of being with someone who will devote himself to you and you alone. Essentially, any man who has to cheat on another person to feel better is not really a man, yet. The same holds true for women. If a person wants to have a lot of different experiences, they should. But, not at the expense of another person’s heart. This is where maturity and honesty come in to play. Figure out what you are looking for. It is out there. Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro Image Credit:...

Cheater-Cheater, Pumpkin Eater! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...

Dear Dr. Miro, I went on a date with this guy and everything was AMAZING. He is absolutely perfect except one thing: apparently he and his last girlfriend broke up because he cheated on her. I know the whole “once a cheater, always a cheater” adage but is this always true? I don’t want to be his next victim. Should I even bother going out with him again or should I ignore his calls? Sincerely, Trepidatey Katey Dear TK, Before you completely blow him off, perhaps the circumstances surrounding his indiscretions could be looked into. There are many different reasons people cheat. I know the stock answer is supposed to be, “Run – Don’t Walk from this Jerk!” But you know, life is more complicated than instant answers. One size does NOT fit all. Although it is a rule, “once a cheater always a cheater” there are exceptions. How did this information come to light? Admitting to his dalliance could be a big bonus in this fellow’s favor. A massive way to gain closeness and increase intimacy is through the disclosure of personal information that you would only tell a significant other. Is it possible he is trying to turn a new page in his life and begin on a clean slate filled with honesty? That being said, when it comes down to it, you MUST rely on your instincts. What does your gut tell you? If you really like this guy, tell him about your trepidation. Pay attention to what is both said and not said but especially examine how you feel in and out of his presence. I am not suggesting you over-analyze, just be open to the real emotions you are experiencing and the truth will be revealed. Lust & Happiness,...

Good Men Pay For Sex? [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...

Dear Dr. Miro, Can you be a good man AND pay a woman for sex? I just found out that while I was working overseas, for a year, my husband not only went to strip clubs with his friends but also saw a prostitute and this is freaking me out. I always thought of him as so respectful and loving, but now I see him as a monster female exploiter! Not only that but he cheated on me! He says it’s not cheating and that he loves and adores only me but I’m just confused and questioning everything that I thought was sacred in our life together. Sincerely, Hurt & Confused Dear H&C, Of course you are hurt and feeling confused. This was not anticipated. It is understandable you would have intense feelings of inadequacy, questions regarding the “sanctity of marriage” as well as possible emerging issues of abandonment. Those are all OK to have, at this moment. Feel your feelings. Discuss with your betrothed what is so upsetting to you and try to truly hear what he says. Get it all out so that this will not continue to rear it’s ugly head. A lot of the time, couples argue about things that have nothing to do with the actual feelings that may or may not be coming up. This is more than likely triggering your attachments to each other. He may fear that you will not love him anymore while you fear that you are not good enough… Time apart is so very difficult and it is important to acknowledge both that AND how hard it is to come back together after even a few days, let alone a year. This is tricky territory. If you feel the two of you cannot...

Open MY Marriage! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn in Health Class]...

Dear Dr. Miro, I have been faithful to my husband for the entire 19 years we have known each other. With all the news focused on Newt Gingrich and his open marriage attempts, I’m beginning to think it’s a good idea. I don’t want to cheat but I’d really like to have some new adventures that don’t involve him. Am I terrible for wanting this? I don’t think it will make everything in my life better but it certainly will make me feel better about some things. Sincerely, Wanting More Dear WM, Are you asking me for permission to redefine your present marriage confines? You may simply be bored and need to liven things up in the bedroom so try to figure that part out, first. Are you ready to open this Pandora’s Box in your marriage? Start simply by watching some adult movies together and see where that leads you. Wanting to open your marriage is nothing to feel badly about. In fact, why should one mode of sexual intimacy be applied to all people? It is rather unrealistic to believe that everyone will be completely satisfied by one person for the remainder of his or her years together. You say you want some adventures that do not include him. Consider traveling alone or with a girlfriend. How about skydiving, horseback riding through Arabian deserts or white water rafting? Is it possible your desire for more may not even be tethered to the sexual realm? If you truly want to explore alternative dynamics to “traditional” marriage, there are many options available to you. However, the MOST important part of all this is to keep in mind that what separates cheating from an open relationship is COMMUNICATION. Everyone involved in your relationship(s) must understand...

A Cheatee’s Dilemma [Frankie Says…] Sep08

A Cheatee’s Dilemma [Frankie Says…]

Frankie asks… What is in for the cheatee? So I’m still feeling out my blogging skills and testing out my format, and I’ve done some thinking… I’m not right all the time. In fact, that’s just what my post was about a few weeks ago. So, in that vein of honesty and self-awareness (which I have a ton of), I’ll occasionally be using the format of the above question, ‘Frankie asks…’ instead of ‘Frankie says…’ Back to the subject at hand…Frankie Asks… A few weeks ago, I found myself at a seedy hotel bar in a sexy situation. An old fling from high school – if I can even call him that – was in town on business. This boy, now a man, had had a crush on me from the first day of school when I began as a sophomore. He relentlessly pursued me for the next three years, and every holiday after that when we’d run into each other. And I, usually the type to go for it, always said no. We became friends throughout our high school years, running in the same circles, making out with each other’s friends. But never each other. A decade later, this man and I were exchanging battle scars from our early 20s and catching up on the last few years we hadn’t spoken. He was doing very well for himself. Even had a live-in girlfriend for the last two years. I got to tell him how well I was doing and it felt good to be adults and share our successes. Then it happened… What I saw wasn’t the silly boy who’d crushed on me for so long. Instead, before me was a man, strong, confident, successful, capable of loving a woman (as the girlfriend...