Love Me, Big Mamma! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...

Dear Dr. Miro, My wife is an overweight BBW (big beautiful woman). I’m talking at least 200lbs extra. That isn’t my problem – just more to love, right? I still want her in every way but her self-esteem about her body is so low that she refuses to let me touch her. I’m certainly no matchstick and she’s never been a small woman (I’ve ALWAYS loved that about her) but what can I do? I tell her all the time how sexy I think she is, that she’s not too fat for me and try to introduce playful “adult” activities but I keep getting shut down. I’m getting resentful that she won’t allow anything close to erotic to transpire between us PLUS I am tired of being rejected. Sincerely, Tired of Being Shut Out By My Big Mama Dear ToBSOBMBM, It is not possible to force anyone to feel good about his or her self. That is something they must do on their own. It is not a pleasant situation to be with someone who thinks poorly of herself. Speak with her about your desire for all HER voluptuousness! Leave the “you’re not so fat” part out. If your wife is a plentiful woman, then she is. No reason to pretend otherwise. Verbally re-enforce your attraction to her Rubenesque loveliness while letting her know how torn up you are that she cannot see her own beauty. Perhaps the two of you could go on an exercise/diet program together not necessarily to get “thin” rather to simply start feeling good. Show her how dedicated you are through your ACTIONS, since words are simply not working. You will be heightening the endorphins folks need to feel good about themselves AND you will be doing it together....

Fitness is Fleeting, Fat is Forever. [On The Contrary] May02

Fitness is Fleeting, Fat is Forever. [On The Contrary]

This column first ran in October 2011. As Joe Rusin prepares to run his first marathon this weekend, we meditate on his former form in this Fierce Encore! A few weeks ago, some generous soul saw fit to bring in a box of extremely delicious buttermilk donuts to be shared by everyone who works in my office. Extremely delicious translates to heart clogging, gut expanding, sleep-inducing goodness. Some office mates sensibly took only small portions, cutting the donuts into pieces for a nibble. Being capable of great gluttony, I of course took the whole thing. As I was taking it, I made a comment to someone about how you could tell by looking at me that I enjoy my sweets. In response I got an incredulous and slightly annoyed expression as my coworker commented, “What are you talking about—you look svelte.” Here’s the thing. She wasn’t just being kind. I actually am fairly trim right now. I’m not skinny by any sense of the word, and I still have a roundish quality, but even according to the body mass index I am at worst just over the edge of “overweight” and actually usually fall into the category of “normal” (and keep in mind, those BMI calculators are cruel—if you’re trying to lose weight and you want a disappointing shot in the gut, check one out to see how far you’ve got to go. It always seems a little unreasonable.). This is not a column to brag about weight loss, though (even if I did find a way to work it in). What I find interesting is that when I made what I thought was a self-deprecating comment about my size, I completely believed it. I wasn’t looking for a compliment—I had forgotten that when...