Player Gets Played! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]

Dear Dr. Miro, I’m way open to all my sexual partners about not wanting to be monogamous and wanting to have fun. Be a Player. This should set the place up for honesty, right? But, just the other day I find out that one of my Girls has been seeing this dude & not telling me. I asked her about it & she shut me down saying, “We are not having this conversation!” What? What happened to communication? This guy’s a friend and now things are not cool. Sincerely, Feeling Betrayed Dear FB, It feels terrible to get shut down and experience betrayal on any level. That you are honest and open to your sexual partners about “Being a Player” is somewhat fantastic. Do you tell all of your sexual partners exactly who you are seeing and when? I am unsure as to how deep you actually go with this particular Girl. Had you, in fact, set the stage for open dialogue or did you simply mumble something about not wanting to be monogamous so you would not “get in trouble” when news of your dalliances spread? Just because you tell someone you are not dedicating all of your time to him or her in the sexual arena does not mean they will simply wait for your return or be happy about it. Were there clear parameters? For example: no sleeping with mutual friends could top the list. Consider this a learning experience in which you begin to more clearly define what you want to get and give in the context of a relationship. Also, have a conversation with your friend, the guy, so you can clear the air. Since you had no desire to maintain a monogamous partnership, examine why “things are not cool.” Maybe you are not as free spirited as you believe. Lust & Happiness, Dr. Miro Image Credit: La...

Friends With Bummers! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]...

Dear Dr. Miro, I started seeing a guy from work in Friends With Benefits way but we only hook up when he’s REALLY drunk. I was really happy with the situation – no strings attached, etc and thought he was too but then he’s sober he goes on about how “It was such a mistake” and we shouldn’t do that again. AND, when my ex showed up at a bar we were all at together my FWB’s gave us the evil stink eye all. night. long. What gives? Sincerely, Toni Dear T, First of all, Work Guy is obviously not happy with your Friends With Benefits situation. He has deeper feelings for you compounded with layers he is not admitting even to himself. If you truly want a FWBs experience, consider someone who can actually use his or her words to articulate what they are thinking and feeling in a manner that will facilitate a fun night and not leave any residual guilt (on his end) or doubts (that I hear from you). I am not coming down on your happiness with your current set-up but, how good could the sex be if he is always “really drunk” by the time you get it on? Having a sloppy night of passion can be great for some people but I imagine being told it was a mistake can dampen the feelings. Still confused by the evil stink eye your FWBs gave you? Understand, Work Guy is not actually a Friend WITH Benefits. He is someone you work with (this in itself is going to go badly and be rather awkward) that has feelings for you, who cannot commit to an actual relationship. I am not making any value judgements in regards to committing or not...

Accentuating Neuroses (aka Accentalize This!) [Single White Nerd]

Ladies, do you like a man with an accent?  I bet you do!  Then today’s blog is for you.  Today, we introduce an exciting new concept in Dating Technology: The Accentalizer! Like The Litmus Test, but more effective, this revolutionary new Neurosis Detection System can save time, emotional hardship, and the crippling uncertainty that comes with wondering if it’s YOU or if it’s HIM.  Here’s the skinny: Yesterday, I had lunch with one of my most favoritest people. She’s intelligent, accomplished, tall, attractive, stylish, athletic, cleans up well, ever so slightly crazy. Everything you could want in a woman. Recently, she found herself wanting to engage in a purely sexual relationship with a strapping gentleman. It started off well–they had a great evening of Adult Fun. So great that she called me on the phone humming with excitement. “Michael,” she exulted, “I have a booty call.  It’s so EXCITING.” I congratulated her and she went back to having super fun sexy time. Or so I thought. Apparently, after their first encounter, the gentleman became somewhat unresponsive to her calls and texts. Not entirely unresponsive. He would eventually return messages via text, letting her know that he was too busy to meet up. Once in a while, he would simply say that he’d prefer to stay home and watch a movie than go over to indulge in a carnival of carnal cavorting. This naturally made my friend feel a bit out of sorts. Or, as she eloquently put it, “What the fuck?” I delved into the mystery with gusto. I asked about their history, how long it had been since they had seen each other, anything that might indicate inconvenient emotional over-involvement (a sure deterrent to a booty call relationship) on either part. No obvious answers presented themselves. Finally, almost by accident,...