“What are you fellas staring at? I’m not a pole dancer.” growls cranky old Gus (Clint Eastwood) in a trailer for Trouble with the Curve. Eastwood is once again playing a grumpy old man. But wait a minute. In the middle of watching that clip, a lightbulb illuminated above my skull and I was overcome with the sudden realization that pretty much every character Clint has ever played has been a curmudgeon. He didn’t start this grumpy schtick when he got grey and wrinkly. Even that young, gun-slinger eating western spaghetti (did I get that right?) was a put-upon anti-hero with a hair up his heinie. Testing this revelation, I made a visit to IMDb, reviewing the work of Mr. Eastwood for any comedies he may have tried his hand at. Nothin. Well, maybe Every Which Way But Loose could be considered funny, but he was still pretty grumpy in that one. While I was laughing my ass off at his take on Invisible and Crass: The President and I at the recent Repub convention, I don’t think that show will make his filmography, nor do I think he shook the cloak of cantankerous-ness in that performance. Why do we love such a crusty character? And boy do we love us some Clint! Eastwood has been popular for 50+ years because we see ourselves in the everyman he portrays. Trust me, even the most perky and positive-zen-light among us have days where we wish those damn kids would just stay off the lawn/turn down that music/pull up their pants/get a damn job. Alternately, we want to be the one who saves the irascible lonely jerk from his own foul mood. Ya see, while Clint is cranky or difficult, he’s never downright mean. Sure he...

The day I ceased to exist stood out only in its unremarkability. I woke up, did fifty jumping jacks, some squats, a few pushups.  I watched some porn on the internet, shook my head in disgusted titillation, and hopped into the shower. I emerged, dried, pulled on some faintly wrinkled khakis and a button down shirt, and drove to work.  I parked my car in the overpriced garage a block from the office. I walked to the office and went up the elevator. Utterly unremarkable. Boring. I slid my key into the office door and unlocked it. Just like I did every morning. I opened the door and walked in. And the lights didn’t come on. The office lights were connected to a motion sensor. The lights would usually click on as soon as someone, anyone, entered the room.  I entered the room and they did not come on. Maybe I hadn’t entered the room emphatically enough. I stood in front of the sensor and jumped up and down. I did a jig. Waved my arms. Nothing, nothing and nothing. Assuming that the sensor had malfunctioned, I finally reach out and turned on the lights. They clicked on bathing the beige room in fluorescent light. Victory. I settled into my chair, clicked on the computer and immersed myself in the day’s work. First I returned a few emails, then reviewed some spreadsheets.  Within minutes, the snafu with the lights had been buried under a flow of information and electronic communication. About half an hour into the day, my co-workers arrived. I absently noted that the lights clicked on just fine for them. “I thought the lights were busted,” I called out as Olivia, a petite slip of a girl who sat in the center of the office less...

It’s January 1993 and everybody’s watching the Dallas Cowboys take on the Buffalo Bills in Super Bowl XXVII, when suddenly, during a commercial break, Van Halen rocks out to Right Now and the entire country is officially introduced to Crystal Pepsi. Crystal Pepsi, the clear and caffeine free version of the long standing Pepsi Cola was ushered in with a big money marketing campaign and a series of high concept commercials.  The spots, featuring images of being refreshed and free, promised “You’ve never seen a cola like this.”  They were certainly right, but no one could have predicted the disaster that followed. The idea for the clear Pepsi began in the 1980’s when many manufacturers started experimenting with clear products after seeing the success Ivory had by creating a transparent bar of soap. Pepsi reformulated their recipe by removing the dark brown color, the caffeine, and many preservatives. Crystal Pepsi first hit stores in several test cities in 1992.  Denver, Colorado; Sacramento, California; Dallas, Texas; and Providence, Rhode Island were the four lucky cities selected.  Congratulations to them!  The test run was a success and sales of the new clear cola in those cities did quite well.  Those who purchased the product gave the idea and taste “positive results.” Pepsi decided to give the clear cola a full national launch and officially add it to the Pepsi lineup of products in stores coast to coast in 1993.  Hearing this, Coca-Cola would quickly work on a rival clear cola, Tab Clear, and rush it to stores by Christmas 1992. Pepsi spent a massive amount of marking money to promote their new product.  The rights to Van Halen’s Right Now, which could not have been cheap, spearheaded the series of commercials that aired in a heavy...