Sultan of Singapore [Piping Hot Nerd]

Things like this do not happen to nerdy bagpipers, but then again it did, so I guess it does. I am here in Singapore on business. I am tired, just off the flight and standing in line to check in at my hotel. This woman whom I’ve never met hands me a guava juice and welcomes me to Singapore. I assume that she works here. “Thank you, “ says I. We discuss that this is my first time here and blah, blah, blah. She leads me to the desk where this lovely lady tells me that they are upgrading me to a suite. “Thank you, that’s lovely,” says I. I then think, “Ah a couch and a coffee table in addition to the bed, that’s nice.” I go up to my floor. It is the top floor. I put the plastic key into my door. It is the corner door. I open the door. I cannot see a bed. All I see is an exploding birds of paradise arrangement in my entryway. Slightly to my left is my living room with giant TV and fresh flowers and chocolates. To my right is my dining room with dining table for 8 with full kitchen and servant’s entrance. In between is my patio with gas BBQ and zen fountain. I start to shake. They have clearly mistaken me for Madonna. It is too much. I walk all the way through this palace with a balcony in every room to my bedroom. My bed is out of focus; it is miles away. There is another living room set-up and a desk as big as a small boat. My bed is a throne for some sort of lazy tyrant. In between finding this too much, I start to...

Ad it Up! The Smartest and Dumbest Ads of the Game [Tall Drink of Nerd]...

Ernessa asked “Are you going to do a column on the Super Bowl commercials again?” I had a good time doing the reviews last year, so the only possible reply was “Hell, yeah! I get to watch TV and be judgmental?! Sign me up!” So here are my Ultimate Pronouncements on the Best and Worst ads of the game. (I totally didn’t see the pre-game. Let me know what I missed.) Everyone has been talking about the Ferris Bueller Honda CRV ad for the past two weeks, so I’m starting off our Super Bowl recap with my thoughts on that. (Please feel free to add your thoughts on any commercials, game action, Faith Hill’s sparkly pants, etc., in the comments below). I thought the CRV ad was clever but sad. Clever as an homage to a classic movie. Loved that Chinatown parade. Sad because only Matthew Broderick was a player in this show. Where were Cameron and Principal Rooney (is he still in prison?) and girlfriend Mia Sara (Sloane) and Jennifer Grey? If this commercial had been sprinkled with the original cast, it would have been a classic. It wasn’t. Now can we please talk about something else? The Good Ads – You Get My Vote/Money Vrooom: Maybe I’m a little biased, because I am a proud Hyundai owner (2012 Cherry Tucson y’all!), but I thought The Dude and the creative team working for Hyundai brought their top game to Super Bowl 46 (that’s right…no Roman numerals for me. Keepin’ it simple.) The employees singing the Rocky theme was awesome and inspiring. My fav part was the bumpy road-test singer: The surprise for the Cheetah trainer in their Veloster commercial made me happy. I always root for the animals! If I weren’t a happy...

Facial Hair Makes Me Bristle [Piping Hot Nerd]

I was recently standing on the subway platform waiting for the 2, 3 to go to work. Normally I walk, but I deemed it too cold. My walking, or not walking, has nothing to do with what I want to write about, but I just want it to be known that I pride myself on walking to work, thus saving money and getting some exercise. I even think it helps me lose weight. It really does not. But I love to put on my headphones and look at all the people swimming downstream on 6th Avenue as I hide unseen behind these magic headphones and check them all out. Perhaps it is hiding that I want to write about so this fits. Back to the subway platform. There are always billboards to read on the subway platform. I hate most of them, but they always get me thinking. A new film starring Katherine Heigl got me thinking “Why?”  A poster for the Metropolitan Museum gets me thinking that I don’t go enough and this gets me thinking that life is slipping through my hands. Thank God the Met billboard does not depress me sufficiently to turn around and jump in front of the oncoming express train. After I think about “why oncoming and not incoming?” I am calm. But talk about a selfish act; suicide stops the subway running for hours. Recently I saw this billboard that was an ad for the Braun Cruzer, which is some intricate electric shaver that would let you write your name in your neck in hair I think. It had the five boroughs of New York City represented by five different ways to have facial hair. Manhattan was an effete “we stole everything from alls y’all” Wall Street handlebar mustache; Brooklyn was the goatee, of course. Staten...