When you hit your mid-30s and friends start to have babies, you have a choice: find new friends or find ways to cope with the fact that your friends’ lives will be incalculably altered by the new life that they thrust into the world. Find ways to remain relevant in their world, a world consumed with burp cloths, sleep cycles, baby monitors and diapers. Find ways to, you know, be cool with infants and friends who have become zombie-like. With this in mind, I proudly present: The Single Nerd’s [brief] Guide to Friends with Babies! 1. All babies are cute Let’s face it, some babies aren’t cute.  Actually, many new babies aren’t cute.  They’re slimy, wrinkly, bug eyed little creatures.  They mewl and piss and puke on everything.  Sure, they have soft skin, but you leave them in the sun for ten minutes. . .see how long that lasts. The key here is that no matter how potentially uncute your friend’s child is, don’t cop to it.  All babies are cute.  If you’re constitutionally unable to lie and find yourself tempted to let your friends know exactly how uncute their baby is, try one of these handy phrases: “Wow, look at that baby!” “S/he looks so little!” “Who has little hands?  You do!  Baby does!” Of course, if the baby is cute, feel free to tell your friends. 2. Your friends will look like crap. Don’t tell them that. They know. The first time you see your friends after they have a baby, they’ll probably look strung out.  They’ll stumble around and talk in fits and starts.  They know they’re a mess.  Don’t do what I did recently and blurt out “Holy crap, you look like shit.”  That won’t go over well.  It’s probably best not to acknowledge any...