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Take Me Downtown! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]
Dear Dr. Miro,
My wife doesn’t like me to go down on her. She gets weird about letting me see or get near her vagina with my face. Well, she seems to like it a little bit at the beginning but then pushes me away quickly after I get started. We have sex, no problem, and she goes down on me all the time but I never get to return the favor. Two questions: How do I get her to like it more? How do I get near my own Wife’s Juicy Bits with out it being a big scene?
Sincerely,
Juan T’Slurp
Dear JT’S,
Have you asked your Betrothed why she does not want your face between her legs? Has she been comfortable with oral sex with past lovers? Is your face scratchy? What is it that makes her push you away? These would all be good places to begin.
A lot of women are uncomfortable with their Vulvas after being told their entire lives “it” is a dirty, shameful, smelly part of their personhood that should be hidden. I do not know Your Better Half’s background but that could possibly be coming up for her. There is also the issue of women believing they need to pleasure their partners without receiving any pleasure in return. You know, that whole martyr thing to which humans can fall prey. It is difficult for some people to let go and allow others to please them.
Make sure Wifey knows how amazing you think her Special Lady Parts are. Go into details with this. Declare your love of her smell, taste, juices, texture and coloring. Let her know how much you adore turning her on with your tongue and lips. Reiterate how giving the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with joy, and delicious feelings, makes you feel like a better person and lover. Ask what you can do to make her feel the best since you REALLY want to nuzzle into her most special place.
Lust & Happiness,
Dr. Miro
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featured image credit: M0rph3u
Great response! You know that’s one of those things, though. Just like any sexytime position, some women just don’t like it, or it makes them self-conscious, or [name your reason here]. I’m of the opinion that if someone who has tried a sex position or activity before says she doesn’t like, it usually doesn’t have to do with the person performing it, but her personal preference. And even if it is a peccadillo related to shame, it’s hard to talk someone out of feeling that way. If she’s sexually satisfied without him going down on her, I’d say accept it. It’s kind of like if a guy just doesn’t want to be pegged. Sure, maybe he’d enjoy it, but if he doesn’t want to go there, he doesn’t want to go there. His prerogative.
Totally agree. I think it’s crucial in every relationship to simply open up those lines of communication and ask. Of course, respecting what a person wants is all part of it. If someone does not feel comfortable doing something, that must be honored.