The Betty Experience: Holding Out For A Hero Fig Newton

So I just woke up from a rock star nap and I’m still at 7. Though I’m a pretty fast runner, I have always been a sprinter and pretty shitty at long distance.

I think Betty might take after me in that regard.

Everytime CH asks me if there’s anything he can get for me, I keep on asking for a fig newton. And he keeps on saying no. I think the only reason he gave me my iPhone back after cruelly taking it away was so that I’d agree to take a nap. But I’m em-effin starvin’ like Marvin up in this joint — and also talking like a bad 80s stereotype.

Shadi the nurse says I can’t eat. Though I have the feeling that if I take a zombie like bite out of her arm the next time she comes in here, she’ll make an exception. Either that or sue me.

This is LA.

Hey, you know how the pain made me feel a little wacky last night? I think the hunger might be the new pain. Can one of you guys come to the hospital and sneak me a fig newton behind CH’s back? I’d be ever so grateful.

Anyways, Shadi says that when I’m ready to push that I’ll feel the urge to poo. I keep on farting when I have contractions, so I wonder if that means I’m getting close. C’mon Betty.

Mama wants a fig newton — oh and Villa Family, if you’re reading this, thanks for the lovely flowers!