![Too Nice To F**K! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]](https://fierceandnerdy.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/MrNiceGuy.jpg)
Too Nice To F**K! [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]
Dear Dr. Miro,
I keep getting told by women I want to date, that I’m “too nice”. What’s that even mean? Shouldn’t I be good to women? Am I supposed to get all Douche-y on them? It seems that a**holes always end up with the girls I like but it just doesn’t seem right to me. What should I do?
Sincerely,
Nice Guy Who Can’t Get Laid
Dear NGWCGL,
I will venture a guess that the women you are interested in are not turned off by you being nice to them as much as they may want someone with a particular kind of swagger you do not possess. Maybe it is not a matter of being “too nice”, as in considerate, but rather you come across as a bit wimpy. Then again, do you really want to be with a lady who does not want to be treated well? There is a misnomer in our society that you must either be a Nice Fella Pushover or a Jersey Shore Jerk Dude. Being polite and aware of others is great! However, there is often a disconnect between being kind and being a man. Do you not stand up for yourself or ask for your needs to be met? There is a happy medium to be discovered within these extremes.
Let me level with you. Telling a person “you are too nice” as a way to stay in the “Friend Zone” is a supposedly polite way of saying, “I am not turned on by you. You do not get my juices flowing.” That is NOT to say you will never meet anyone who will get excited by you. It is to say, that the women you are attempting to have relations with are simply not in to you. Do not try to change yourself to please these women. Start accentuating the positive aspects of your personality and you will eventually find someone who will appreciate you.
Lust & Happiness,
Dr. Miro
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featured image credit: Thomas Hawk
One of the biggest mistakes “nice guys” make when getting to know a woman is agreeing with everything the woman says or trying to act like they have all the same interests and likes. First, this comes off as inauthentic and wimpy. But also, conflict is attractive. Just like men, women don’t want a partner who’s too “easy”. They want a challenge, an adventure. By focusing on what you have in common and trying to avoid conflict, you are setting yourself up as a buddy, not a lover.
I really agree with this comment, Brent. Wanting to be liked too much is a potential relationship killer. Better, in my opinion, to fully represent for who you are.
What’s interesting though is that women do this way too much, too, but they don’t get relegated to the friend category for it.
you are so right about that! i think women don’t get relegated to the friend category but i do think the wind up in relationships which eventually fall apart and then they wonder why things didn’t work out. when you aren’t your authentic self from the get go you can’t expect to be in an authentic relationship.
yeah totally sounds like he is not “taking charge” i.e. taking initiative and being more confident. you don’t have to be an A-hole for women to want to get with you but being more self assure AND be a gentleman. that gets the girl.