![What’s Wrong With Vanilla? [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]](https://fierceandnerdy.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/VanillaShake.jpeg)
What’s Wrong With Vanilla? [Ask Dr. Miro: What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]
Dear Dr. Miro,
With all the 50 Shades of Whatever and Poly-Gang Bang Hoo-Hah that’s going on in our culture, I’ve started questioning myself and whether I’m just the most boring person in the whole world. Seriously, after making out, I like to get off with some head and then classic penetration. I mean, I believe in being both the giver and receiver and LOVE to go down on my partner just as much as getting pleasured but does that make me lame? I don’t want to be with anyone but my spouse or see my beloved screwed by someone else and I guess that means I am really into what’s derisively called vanilla monogamous sex. Is there a support group for those as sexually uninteresting as myself?
Sincerely,
Vanilla Shake, Please
Dear VSP.
There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with liking what you like as long as it is consensually pleasing to all involved. If that means it is you alone, you partnered with the love of your life or involving all the (human) performers from a three-ring circus, then that is what your healthy and satisfying sexual experiences will be. Sure there are a lot of options in mainstream media today for those considered Sexually Adventurous but let us not set up black and white scenarios here (unless that is what helps get you off). Just because you may not wish to get tied up while dressed as a Sexy Elf or set up some Mandingo-Cuckold scenario does NOT mean you are boring. If YOU are bored, then you are boring. If you and your partner are happy, then bask in that yumminess!
Allowing your perception of others’ judgments to affect you seems to be more the issue here rather than your sexual repertoire. Be your authentic self regardless of what you think everyone is supposed to do. This applies to every part of life and not just the sexy stuff. Be proud of your acceptance of this Vanilla Lifestyle! This does not have to be a bad thing. Stop comparing yourself to others and appreciate your own personal sexuality in whatever fluid or concrete format that may be, right now.
Lust & Happiness,
Dr. Miro
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featured image credit: ReneS.
High Fives to Vanilla Shake, Please!
Also, I want to add that the reader is assuming that everyone but him or her is actually doing all of this stuff. There’s a difference between what people are titillated by and what people actually do in their own beds. I think part of the entertainment of erotica and porn is that they’re most often not a reflection of what’s going on in your own beds. This is like watching an action movie, then saying, “Is it okay that I have a cubicle job and don’t enjoy shooting guns, much less blowing shit up?”
Excellent point, Ernessa! I adore your analogy. It feels like VSP is questioning other parts of life. (I know that’s an assumption based on a brief inquiry.)
Sometimes it can feel like EVERYBODY but you is involved in something and it is up to each individual to figure out what is and is not appropriate for their own life.