Wow! It’s Wednesday: Fast, Non-Dairy Breakfast [IVF Part Deux Update]

Sorry, sorry. Know I promised that T.E.’s blogumn, DIY NERD, would debut in this space today, but we’ve got to learn to do an audio edit right quick before it can. So now I’m forced to say come back next week for that. But this might be a good thing, since I wanted to get in one last IVF update before I go in for my big frozen embryo transfer on Friday.

I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that things seem way more confusing this time. Last time, I had spent over a year trying to get pregnant: ovulation tracking, fertility tests, blood draws, failed IUIs, lots and lots of drugs with random side effects — I was trained up and ready to go. Also, I didn’t yet have a child, so if need be, both my husband and I could drop everything to get things done when they had to get done. Doing a frozen embryo transfer, is like saying, “Remember all that stuff you did two years ago? Do the last thirty days of it with no training, a second book to finish, and no husband to back you up (because he’s babysitting) — now!

Now dropping everything, means dropping your baby, and you don’t want to drop your baby — she’s precious. So appointments that CH came with me to last time, he now spends at home with Betty. I find myself yo-yoing between extreme gratitude (yay we live in a time with IVF, yay we can afford IVF, yay I can hopefully squeeze this last baby out before going into promotional efforts for the next book –how convenient!), and mild resentment.

IVF takes up so much time, it’s so invasive [there is no such thing as an appointment where you don’t get an ultrasound wand stuck up your hoo-hah], but only for the mother. Also, writers are moody enough — I’ve never been a fan of adding drugs with side effects to that mix. And the terror that it won’t work — I thought it would be less with a second child, and it actually is, but terror is still terror and in whatever dose (in combination with one of the drugs I’m taking before the procedure) will keep you up at night. But what I hate most is the worry.

If IVF doesn’t work the first time, I’ll have to do this all over again with even more drugs and ultrasounds. We’re carefully budgeting this year around IVF, but since it’s not covered by insurance, we’ll definitely have to stop if we get to three failed cycles. Mostly, I worry about fitting a second child in. I’m still not quite sure how that’s going to work, how the routine we’ve carved out will survive middle of the night feedings and a new baby whose temperament we do not yet know.

I’ve been shaking my head at biological imperative over the last few days, wondering how I can want this second child so bad — I mean want her or him more than I want the money we would save by not having a second child, or the time that s/he’ll erase from my already overburdened schedule, or the lovely glass of red wine that I won’t be able to drink before bed until further notice.

And perhaps worse of all, I have no idea what I’m going to eat for breakfast over the next few days. The drugs I’m taking for the procedure don’t allow for dairy without (even more) nauseous results, so I’m going to have to figure out something fast and convenient, since my regular bowl of cereal is out. The thought of oatmeal with no milk not only grosses me out, but makes me feel like an English orphan. Got any suggestions?

IVF Tip of the Week: Don’t be afraid to ask lots of questions during your cycle. Ask them over and over again if you don’t understand what you’re supposed to do next. Women are trained not to be a bother, but in this case, it’s better to ask “dumb” questions, than risk an IVF cycle, because you don’t understand or forgot exactly what you’re supposed to do next. I almost nixed this entire cycle, because I didn’t understand that I was supposed to come in before I ovulated, too. Luckily, my husband made me call the doctor’s office to double-check.