Wow! It’s Wednesday! Raising Intelligent Girls
The number 2 entry on the list of things that have been keeping me up at night is the “how to raise Bettty to be an intelligent child issue.”
Now I’ve heard a lot of people say that they wouldn’t want to raise kids in Los Angeles. For the most part, I disagree with that sentiment. I was raised in St. Louis and what I mostly remember is being bored. All the frickin’ time. I used to dread summer, because there was so little to do. I look forward to camp, but that was only 2 weeks of the year. For a while there was daycare, but the only thing more boring than sitting at home with your little sister in my opinion was being forced to play inane games and sing all day. By the end of the summer, I would be sick of it all. Sick of the park, sick of reading books all day, sick of TV, sick of summer Bible school, sick of it all. The school year was a relief.
There is so much to do in Los Angeles and so many cultural opportunities, I can’t imagine that it would be more terrible to raise a kid here than in some sleepy suburb — and I’m fairly certain that it will be easier to entertain them with the beaches and the parks and loads upon loads of interesting summer day school options. I’m actually a little jealous of how interesting Betty’s childhood will be.
But then there’s the intelligence question. I think it’s unfair to slam Los Angeles for not valuing intelligence. It’s fairly obvious by now that most cities don’t hold intelligence in high regard. Look at our educational system. However, I do think that this city might value beauty and money over intelligence and that really concerns me.
What to do if Betty turns out to be more interested in her appearance than in actually getting an education? As far as women are concerned, the big stars of this city are actresses and at times it feels like the main female concern in Los Angeles is being thin and pretty — in that order.
Also, I’ve noticed lately that there are fewer examples of intelligent women in general. While we praise President Obama for his gravitas and intelligence, we seem more impressed with Michelle Obama’s high-fashion makeover than we do with her considerable brains. Beauty and the Beast remains one of my favorite films of all time, but nowadays I can’t imagine Disney making a movie about a girl whose favorite past time is reading now. Actually I can’t imagine any studio making any kind of movie or TV show about a woman or girl who values reading or even education.
CH and I can set a good example by turning off the TV and reading to them and in front of them and by encouraging them to learn new things, but we can’t keep outside influences out of my life. I have heard and witnessed so many stories of intelligent girls thrown off course by boys and worse, the need for attention, that I really don’t know what I’ll do if Betty starts choosing primping and dating over studying — actually, I do know what I’ll do. I’ll lay down the law. Education comes first, blah, blah, blah. But children are their own people. You can’t make them value everything that you value. Still, on a harsher note, I don’t really feel like putting 18 good years into raising a vapid adult.
So if you have any suggestions about raising girls to value intelligence and education over looks in a country that often doesn’t seem to appreciate those qualities in their female citizens, please share. Meanwhile, here’s a chilling Jezebel article about how many girls are going out of their way to hide that they’re smart, while the ones who don’t hide it are often slammed in the media.
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First of all, Betty will be "intelligent", a reader, introspective, and witty IF that is who she is. My mom raised four kids and none of us are the same. I would consider myself to be one thing, and my younger brother (who was in the same home with me the longest) to be completely different. We just are who we are and learning to accept and encourage what children are naturally is a tough thing for a parent who might be the complete opposite. Betty might just want to be popular or in talent competitions or a cheerleader and being the parent that supports that is what you should try to be. To me, its about introducing a child to a bunch of stuff and ways of life and then nurturing what makes them happy, what seems to fit.
And I'd like to clear up the raising-kids-in-Los-Angeles thing since I am one of the people that has said I'd rather not. My boyfriend and I have met many people raised here and we feel we can truly connect with about 1% of them. Its subtle. It has something to do with their sense of humor, their outlook on life, and what seems to be most important to them. Its not always the obvious "look pretty", "make money", and "never age gracefully". Sometimes its just the lack of a darker sense of humor. Sarcasm. Irony. Sometimes we say things that anyone, in any other part of the country would giggle at, but those natives just stare at us, glassy eyed and confused. They are not dumb, they just don't "get it". I live near a very big high school in LA and I worry about how jaded, how sad, and how old the kids here are. Dreams are crushed so easily by this city, and kids here are too close to it, I think.
And I'd like believe, because I'm trying to be more optimistic, that there is a place where I would feel comfortable letting my kids be free to play outside in cleaner air, pretend to be a star without living too close to one, dream big things without being jaded too early and also be exposed to great cultural differences, literature and art.
I'm sure that Betty will be awesome, and that you will do a amazing job, but once its all happening, it will be day by day and you will be doing the best you can no matter what the outcome. Thats how it always is.
Ugh, you're probably right, Delia. I would love to be Pollyanna and say that I would be totally on board to going to a bunch of cheerleading competitions and football games or whatever if Betty decides that's the path she wants to take, but chances are that I'll probably go and complain bitterly about it under my breath. It will definitely be easier if she's a nerd, but if not, here's me promising to at least put on a game face.
Yes, now that I think of it, most of my friends out here aren't actually from L.A. And I live somewhat close to the "Grease" high school, and those students look like a "disaffected kids" ad. But since I went to a really "bad" high school, I have to believe that all high schoolers are jaded throughout the country. I would argue that the private school I went to before I transferred to public school was even worse in this regard. Privileged and jaded in some ways is so much worse than scarred and jaded — kinda hard to explain.
But one point you made really got me thinking. As parents, perhaps all we can do is expose our kids to what we want them to be exposed to. The rest is up to them. I mean I'm the daughter of accountants. There are literally, no other artists in my family — so obviously I should expect some surprises.
First of all, Betty will be "intelligent", a reader, introspective, and witty IF that is who she is. My mom raised four kids and none of us are the same. I would consider myself to be one thing, and my younger brother (who was in the same home with me the longest) to be completely different. We just are who we are and learning to accept and encourage what children are naturally is a tough thing for a parent who might be the complete opposite. Betty might just want to be popular or in talent competitions or a cheerleader and being the parent that supports that is what you should try to be. To me, its about introducing a child to a bunch of stuff and ways of life and then nurturing what makes them happy, what seems to fit.
And I'd like to clear up the raising-kids-in-Los-Angeles thing since I am one of the people that has said I'd rather not. My boyfriend and I have met many people raised here and we feel we can truly connect with about 1% of them. Its subtle. It has something to do with their sense of humor, their outlook on life, and what seems to be most important to them. Its not always the obvious "look pretty", "make money", and "never age gracefully". Sometimes its just the lack of a darker sense of humor. Sarcasm. Irony. Sometimes we say things that anyone, in any other part of the country would giggle at, but those natives just stare at us, glassy eyed and confused. They are not dumb, they just don't "get it". I live near a very big high school in LA and I worry about how jaded, how sad, and how old the kids here are. Dreams are crushed so easily by this city, and kids here are too close to it, I think.
And I'd like believe, because I'm trying to be more optimistic, that there is a place where I would feel comfortable letting my kids be free to play outside in cleaner air, pretend to be a star without living too close to one, dream big things without being jaded too early and also be exposed to great cultural differences, literature and art.
I'm sure that Betty will be awesome, and that you will do a amazing job, but once its all happening, it will be day by day and you will be doing the best you can no matter what the outcome. Thats how it always is.
Ugh, you're probably right, Delia. I would love to be Pollyanna and say that I would be totally on board to going to a bunch of cheerleading competitions and football games or whatever if Betty decides that's the path she wants to take, but chances are that I'll probably go and complain bitterly about it under my breath. It will definitely be easier if she's a nerd, but if not, here's me promising to at least put on a game face.
Yes, now that I think of it, most of my friends out here aren't actually from L.A. And I live somewhat close to the "Grease" high school, and those students look like a "disaffected kids" ad. But since I went to a really "bad" high school, I have to believe that all high schoolers are jaded throughout the country. I would argue that the private school I went to before I transferred to public school was even worse in this regard. Privileged and jaded in some ways is so much worse than scarred and jaded — kinda hard to explain.
But one point you made really got me thinking. As parents, perhaps all we can do is expose our kids to what we want them to be exposed to. The rest is up to them. I mean I'm the daughter of accountants. There are literally, no other artists in my family — so obviously I should expect some surprises.
I think Delia made an excellent point. My parents raised my brother and I the same, but we couldn't have turned out more different. At core, we share the same values and beliefs. No matter what Betty turns out to be, I think those are the things that are important to teach her.
I'm still not sold on raising kids in LA. I'm okay with the idea of raising them in Burbank, but for every advantage they will have here that I didn't have in small town Texas, there is something they will inevitably give up. I valued my summer days as a child — after lunch we'd leave the house with the only instruction to 'be home before supper' and we would spend all day out in the world, playing make believe or hunting for snails by the riverbank or just playing baseball in the street. I'm sure it wasn't any safer then than it is now, but at least in a small town you can pretend. In LA, there's no pretending it's okay to let your six year old run free around the neighborhood. I'm not even sure I'd let them play in the backyard unattended out here.
A good friend of mine gave me some excellent words of wisdom that I like to repeat to myself when the thought of starting a family or raising a child seems overwhelming: each stage prepares you for the one that's coming next.
I think Delia made an excellent point. My parents raised my brother and I the same, but we couldn't have turned out more different. At core, we share the same values and beliefs. No matter what Betty turns out to be, I think those are the things that are important to teach her.
I'm still not sold on raising kids in LA. I'm okay with the idea of raising them in Burbank, but for every advantage they will have here that I didn't have in small town Texas, there is something they will inevitably give up. I valued my summer days as a child — after lunch we'd leave the house with the only instruction to 'be home before supper' and we would spend all day out in the world, playing make believe or hunting for snails by the riverbank or just playing baseball in the street. I'm sure it wasn't any safer then than it is now, but at least in a small town you can pretend. In LA, there's no pretending it's okay to let your six year old run free around the neighborhood. I'm not even sure I'd let them play in the backyard unattended out here.
A good friend of mine gave me some excellent words of wisdom that I like to repeat to myself when the thought of starting a family or raising a child seems overwhelming: each stage prepares you for the one that's coming next.
I am not sure about LA and how it compares to anywhere else. But I think the best thing you can do is be yourself. You value education and intelligence. Betty will see that and 9 out of 10, she will mirror what she sees. And remember to tell her she is smartt just as much as you tell her she is adorable and praise her educational achievements. Yup, I know this may sound overly simplistic, but it worked for me. My mom pushed the value of being smart and working hard and she lived it. I valued those qualities because that is what she instilled in me. As a child and teenager (and even today as an adult), I look to her as a guide. Perhaps Betty will look to you the same way.
I am not sure about LA and how it compares to anywhere else. But I think the best thing you can do is be yourself. You value education and intelligence. Betty will see that and 9 out of 10, she will mirror what she sees. And remember to tell her she is smartt just as much as you tell her she is adorable and praise her educational achievements. Yup, I know this may sound overly simplistic, but it worked for me. My mom pushed the value of being smart and working hard and she lived it. I valued those qualities because that is what she instilled in me. As a child and teenager (and even today as an adult), I look to her as a guide. Perhaps Betty will look to you the same way.
Oh, I am just as impressed with how intelligent Michelle is as I am with how beautiful, strong and classy she is! Maybe exposing Betty to lots of different woman who are as smart and as strong and as beautiful as her mother will also give her lots of role models and inspiration!
Oh, I am just as impressed with how intelligent Michelle is as I am with how beautiful, strong and classy she is! Maybe exposing Betty to lots of different woman who are as smart and as strong and as beautiful as her mother will also give her lots of role models and inspiration!
Some great advice overall! Bottom line, it's really about HOW you raise your kids, not WHERE you raise them!
Some great advice overall! Bottom line, it's really about HOW you raise your kids, not WHERE you raise them!
Well i may not be an adult but obviously i do have exsperience with kids seeing as i recently was one. The way i see it this first four years are your grace years it gives you time to get your footing. Although many people think that the teens are the most important years i think that from 5-10 are the most important. I think these years are the base years of our live and they shape what we are like for the future, i also think after 12 theres not much a parent can do to change the way thier child is. One of the most important things you can do is to interact and be involved in betty's life, read her stories if she goes "mommy mommy look at this" actually look at it don't just pretend like you saw it. These kind of things always seem to have a positive outcome and you can usually tell when a kid has had thier parents involved in thier lives.
Also when betty is still in here little kid years, you should start encouraging her to read because that is probably one of the most influential things that a kid can have, a love of reading. Also as a kid may not like reading at first but kids are very moldable and can easily be made to believe that reading/ learning is fun. Another suggestion might be to teach Betty a foriegn language from a young age, spanish would probably be most useful, children who have learned another language in thier lives are proven to be at least 15% more intelligent than others. One thing that had a lot of influence on me was all of the original disney movies although they may not have made me much smarter they did teach me good morals and values which are just as important if not more important than being smart. Of course it also has a lot to do with genetics and mimiced behavior so he should take after you and uncle Chris, meaning betty will be a super duper genius.
Well i may not be an adult but obviously i do have exsperience with kids seeing as i recently was one. The way i see it this first four years are your grace years it gives you time to get your footing. Although many people think that the teens are the most important years i think that from 5-10 are the most important. I think these years are the base years of our live and they shape what we are like for the future, i also think after 12 theres not much a parent can do to change the way thier child is. One of the most important things you can do is to interact and be involved in betty's life, read her stories if she goes "mommy mommy look at this" actually look at it don't just pretend like you saw it. These kind of things always seem to have a positive outcome and you can usually tell when a kid has had thier parents involved in thier lives.
Also when betty is still in here little kid years, you should start encouraging her to read because that is probably one of the most influential things that a kid can have, a love of reading. Also as a kid may not like reading at first but kids are very moldable and can easily be made to believe that reading/ learning is fun. Another suggestion might be to teach Betty a foriegn language from a young age, spanish would probably be most useful, children who have learned another language in thier lives are proven to be at least 15% more intelligent than others. One thing that had a lot of influence on me was all of the original disney movies although they may not have made me much smarter they did teach me good morals and values which are just as important if not more important than being smart. Of course it also has a lot to do with genetics and mimiced behavior so he should take after you and uncle Chris, meaning betty will be a super duper genius.
A friend of mine tried to counteract the messages her daughter was receiving. Before her daughter could read, she would slip extra bits into the storybooks about the princesses and the Bratz (repulsive, whorish, stay far away!). "Let's go to the mall and buy shoes. But first, let's finish our geometry homework. I love geometry!" Kids are very receptive to brainwashing about intelligence being important (while cautioning them not to rub it in people's faces like a certain little girl did way back in St. Louis). Combined with the great genes that she will inherit, you would have to put her on the pageant circuit to raise a vapid adult.
The tabloids and fashion mags may be obsessed with Michelle's fashion, but just wait, she will soon make a splash with some huge policy move.
Don't forget that our Secretary of State is a very intelligent woman. And the one before that. And, if you skip a certain biracial fellow, the one before that. Betty will meet more female doctors than we did as kids, and she will meet her parents' smart and artistic friends, and have lots of female teachers then professors. She will see women succeed all around her in every "smart" job that she can imagine. The role models are there.
A friend of mine tried to counteract the messages her daughter was receiving. Before her daughter could read, she would slip extra bits into the storybooks about the princesses and the Bratz (repulsive, whorish, stay far away!). "Let's go to the mall and buy shoes. But first, let's finish our geometry homework. I love geometry!" Kids are very receptive to brainwashing about intelligence being important (while cautioning them not to rub it in people's faces like a certain little girl did way back in St. Louis). Combined with the great genes that she will inherit, you would have to put her on the pageant circuit to raise a vapid adult.
The tabloids and fashion mags may be obsessed with Michelle's fashion, but just wait, she will soon make a splash with some huge policy move.
Don't forget that our Secretary of State is a very intelligent woman. And the one before that. And, if you skip a certain biracial fellow, the one before that. Betty will meet more female doctors than we did as kids, and she will meet her parents' smart and artistic friends, and have lots of female teachers then professors. She will see women succeed all around her in every "smart" job that she can imagine. The role models are there.