Ask Dr. Miro: Ding Dong Dilemma [What You Didn’t Learn In Health Class]

Dear Dr. Miro,

I recently had an intimate encounter in which my partner’s penis was, well, odd.  I mean the size was fine, the curvature was a little more to one side (which is fine), but there seemed to be something… off about it.  Like, instead of a regular helmet shape, it was more of a beanie shape and the urethra opening is off-centered, almost teardrop shaped.  He is circumcised. The only thing I could think of was that perhaps there was a mishap as an infant? I didn’t want to be all, ‘what’s wrong with your Johnson?’ because, quite frankly, that’s rude and insensitive.  But I’m also totally curious.  Is this something I could politely bring up or should I just keep my trap shut?

Sincerely,
Curious Lee

Dear CL,

I love how our genitalia are like snowflakes – truly no two are the same! You are right. It is extremely rude to demand, “What’s wrong with your Ding-a-Ling?!” Things can definitely be re-phrased. Instead of focusing on the negative, re-frame your out loud curiosity from, “Why are you such a freak?” to “I just think you have the best Divining Rod!” Perhaps you could ask how he got to have such a unique Love Scepter. The next time you are handling his penis, look at it fondly, like a valuable rare gem you have always dreamed of  and say something like, “I can’t believe how gorgeous your Big Member is! The way the opening is tear shaped is so incredibly sexy and the head’s shape: so perfect!!!”

Something along those lines opens the floor for him to say something. More than likely, he is already very self-conscious about his unique shape. When you put out your adoration and fondness (real or acted) for his quirky Skin Flute, he may feel immense relief and gratitude for how open and appreciative you are behaving.  Maybe you do not want open communication but at least you put the ball in his comfy court to be more explanatory.

I simply adore variety and spice in life. It never hurts to compliment a man on his Appendage. Expressing a little love and showing appreciation not only for the shaft, but also for his use of it, can only make things better in and out of the bedroom. Who wouldn’t want to hear that their love bits are a major turn on and incredibly cool?

Lust & Happiness,
Dr. Miro

Piazza Bellini statue photo credit: Kill Pop