Philosophical Monday: Baby Interuptus or Is There Anything Such as a Cool Lullaby?

Sorry, sorry, guys. Not able to turn in my behind-the-scenes Jimmy Kimmel report due to time constraints — read Betty’s waking up. But I promise to tell you all about it later in the week.

Meanwhile, I want to make these three observations about new motherhood:


1. You know how I used to begin a lot of posts with, “I was up all night with racing thoughts”? Total thing of the past. Racing thoughts are no match for new mother sleep deprivation. Now if my head gets anywhere near a pillow, I’m asleep. So if you’ve been on the fence about having children, and you have problems with racing thoughts and/or insomnia, let me just say that having a kid is a great cure for that.

2. I’ve realized the hard way that nearly every song I have memorized, is deeply inappropriate as a lullaby. For example songs like LL Cool J’s “I’m Bad,” Peggy Lee’s “I’m a Woman,” and just about every song George Michael put out before the mid-90s (“Monkey,” “Faith,” “I Want Your Sex”) probably won’t fly once Betty starts to actually even sort of understand words. On the other hand, you can only sing “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” so many times w/o falling asleep yourself. I’ve got to find some cooler lullabies and memorize them. Meanwhile, I’m meeting propriety halfway and singing her a bunch of showtunes. “Ohhhhhhhhk-lahoma!”

3. On a similar note, before labor I was inspired by Betty to stop cussing, but actually having a baby hasn’t exactly been conducive to that goal. I mean what else are you supposed to say when your baby manages to both poop and squirt pee on you during the course of one diaper change? Saying “Shit!” seems like the most appropriate — not to mention literal response to that situation. At this rate, Betty might end up talking like a truck driver by the age of three. Sorry, ya’ll.