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Stay-at-Home Nerd: Weighs in on Skinny Jeans [BEST OF FaN]
Co-Ed. Note: We obviously chose this one because it was super-controversial. Also, because every time I go to put on my skinny jeans, I now think of this post. Ugh!
Originally published 01/20/11
It should be noted that I’m not a fashion expert. I don’t have a degree in fashion from one of those institutes you hear about on TV late at night. My idea of dressing up, now that I’m a stay at home dad, is putting on a clean t-shirt. During the week you’ll usually see me lumbering around in shorts or athletic pants, depending on the weather, and the aforementioned tee which may or may not have a witticism on it. My experience and so-called expertise in this area is limited to the occasional Project Runway rerun, several episodes of What Not to Wear that were penance for all my sports intake, my daily walks and weekly errands with my son. These tasks include, but are not limited to, strolling through the mall, shopping at Target and stocking up at Costco. It’s not a coincidence that these places also seem to attract moms, or more generally, women. Which brings me to my point: Skinny Jeans.
There are some fashions that go out as fast as they came in. Anyone still wearing parachute pants or acid washed jeans or tie dyed shirts? I mean anyone other than those who still have their Michael Jackson Thriller poster up, or those getting the band back together, or those homemade honey sellers at the farmer’s markets. Other fashions stick around forever. The little black dress, the power suit, comfortable jeans are just a few examples.
There are also some fashions that come out, reach a Tipping Point, and seem to take over the world. Juicy couture, I think, is among these. Right, you’ve seen ‘em, girls (not woman) of all shapes and ages walking around in their Tom Brady endorsed Uggs wearing what are essentially sweatpants with words displayed across their butt. Words like Pink, which makes me think of another color when written on a butt, or words like Juicy, which always make me think “leaky”. This free association has to stop – it’s not good for me and it’s certainly not good for the lady folk. Unfortunately, it doesn’t seem everyone shares my concern. These clothes seem to be here to stay – let’s pray, even the atheists, that they don’t become classics.
There is time, however, to put the kibosh on skinny jeans. Yes, they seem to have taken over, but I’m quite sure they haven’t reached the tipping point. I mean I can’t picture Midwestern girls putting these on in the cold, cold winters. What is it specifically about skinny jeans that I don’t like? Well, it’s fairly simple. Like anything, most people who wear skinny jeans shouldn’t. Skinny jeans, like spandex, only look good on certain body types. Whereas spandex is reserved for bicyclists and endurance athletes, skinny jeans ought to be reserved for the skinny leg models they were designed for. If you carry any extra pounds, and I do, so I can say this, tight clothes make you look fatter. Say no to muffin tops, lumpy asses, and cankles. You and your skinny jeans aren’t fooling anybody.
But, you may be thinking I said that skinny jeans do look good on models. Yes I did. You know what else looks good on models? Everything. Polar bear fur vests, kneepads, even dresses made of feathers. Why? Because I’m not a fashion expert and when I see a model I’m not thinking about her clothes, I’m thinking about… Well, I’m married now so that’s another story. The exception to this, though, is skinny jeans. Whenever I see someone in skinny jeans I shake my head and think; oh, you shouldn’t be wearing that. If you’re not attractive enough to wear skinny jeans you’re not doing yourself any favors by wearing them. If you’re so hot that skinny jeans look good on you then you lack the necessary modesty, decency, and compassion for others that truly make a woman a woman. There. I said it. And, that’s all I have to say about that.
Since I did get my degree in clothing…yeah…you CAN do that…
Skinny jeans are actually a more modern version of the slim pants from the 50’s and 60’s that Audrey Hepburn rocked for many years. They are not a new thing; in fact, they have come into fashion every decade since then in some form or another. Although I do agree that some people shouldn’t wear them, I’d still rather see a rounder woman trying to be fashion forward than a grown man wearing “shorts or athletic pants” outside of the house. ;-)
Having traveled around the country this fall, I would go even further. I think women of every shape and size CAN wear skinny jeans, it’s just a question of how. I think Josh may be more upset that he’s seeing women who don’t where them well. I myself am not a fan of the skinny jeans with UGG boots on anyone but the skinniest/tallest girl. But I adore the way our friend slpc wears them with a fashion-forward, conversation piece boot. And every fat teenager should take a note from Mercedes on GLEE who often rocks skinny jeans with a pair of colorful, eye-catching sneakers and a great shirt that hugs the hips. I myself have been enjoying the hell out of my acid-wash skinny jeans with a slouch Steve Madden boot and an eye-popping tee, and I’ve gotten a ton of compliments from my friends on the look. I have another friend who rocked skinny jeans while pregnant, and she looked GREAT. Yeah, I’m just going to repeat this comment in “Hello Friday”…
Thank you girl for pointing out that yes a big girl can also rock the skinny jean if done right. I also think that if anyone has fashion sense they wear what works for their body type. I personally know MY fat petite ass isn’t getting into skinny jeans but I can rock the hell out of a pair dark denim (with some stretch) boot cut jeans.
I certainly have not doubt that some women can rock the hell out of skinny jeans. If nobody looked good in them then nobody would ever wear them. I just believe that the vast majority of skinny jean wearers fall into the “Oh no you didn’t” and “heroin chic – I’m too skinny to even be an actress” categories. The same goes for men. Unless you’re in band (I guess that’s every guy in LA, though) you should not be going for skinny anything. (except maybe those Skinny Cow Ice Cream treats which are delicious).
I guess you can get a degree in anything these days. I agree that a grown man wearing shorts or athletic pants outside of his own house is a pathetic sight, but that’s why I avoid mirrors at all costs. It’s true that I don’t have to look at these “rounder” women, as you put it, although I also don’t have to rubberneck on the highway and I do. It’s not that I don’t like rounder woman, I just think they are doing a disservice to themselves when they dress up like 2 scoops on a waffle cone when it isn’t even halloween.
your sister in law wears skinny jeans. are you calling me fat?
Um… No. Definitely not. I’m not saying who “wears” skinny jeans as much as I’m saying that “nobody” should.
i hope i’m “attractive enough” to be wearing skinny jeans, because i’m wearing them Right Now.
Of course you are. You just shouldn’t because your flaunting your beauty in front of all those who can’t. And some of those people will do it anyway – and that just hurts us all.
I suppose I’ll just be flaunting all day long back and forth to the water cooler. Oh, and I’m wearing kitten heels, clack clack clack meow.
I’m not a fan of skinny jeans, but my youngest sister came back from college in upstate NY wearing them, and explained, “They tuck into my boots.” Or, more accurately, she doesn’t have to tuck them into her boots. So I have to concede their utility in cold-weather country!
The ol’ utility argument. Tucking them into boots and hiding them under tunics is for all intents and purposes cheating. That said, I would just about wear anything to stay warm and look good in cold weather. That’s no easy feat.